The Story of Lincoln
by Jay2645
Summary: The story of a man's descent into madness.


**Four score and one year after the foundation of this country:**

I lost my legs today in a rocket jumping accident. My employer, Blutarch Mann, managed to convince Doctor Freud to work with my friend Nikola Tesla in building me a pair of robotic legs.

This experience is not all bad, however. As I sat there, legless at the top of a second story building, I came up an invention that could revolutionize the way we look at two-story buildings.

Tesla says it's possible, and, once I get my legs back, he'll help me come up with the plans to build them.

I shall call my new invention the "stair".

**Four score and nine years after the foundation of this country:**

Today, I was the victim of an assassination plot by John "Tower of Hats" Booth.

Thanks to my good pal Nikola Tesla, Blutarch Mann, and a trap door located below my chair, I survived.

Barely.

My cyborg legs were damaged in the fall. Tesla says he can repair them, but it could take months. The steam generator for the left leg is shot.

I'm going to have to put setting things on fire on hold for now, until Tesla can fix up my steam generator and get my legs moving again.

**Four score and eight years after the foundation of this country:**

It took a year, but Tesla fixed my legs today, just before he left our great country.

Where he is going, I'm uncertain. My best guess would be his homeland of Russia. Medic Freud seemed sad when I informed him of Tesla's departure.

Tesla had been my greatest friend, especially after Tower of Hats tried to take me down.

I wish him the best of luck.

His successor was announced yesterday, a strapping young lad named Radigan Conagher.

I'll admit I have my doubts about this new Engineer, but if Blutarch put his trust in him, I suppose I will, too.

Hopefully he knows how to service my legs.

**Five score, a decade, and four years after the foundation of this country:**

I am the last member of the original team.

First Tesla left us. Freud died three years afterward. Tom Sawyer just passed away yesterday.

In a field of newbies, it seems my only friend left is Radigan.

**Five score, a decade, and eight years after the foundation of this country:**

Call me crazy, but it seems that Radigan has gotten significantly more muscular since Tom died.

The man grew chest hair shaped like Texas on his chest, as well. I may be growing old, but I know that Texas-shaped hair wasn't there when the man first began to service my legs.

In fact, he told me a couple months ago that my cyborg legs gave him his own idea. I went to see him this morning and the fool had cut his right hand off and replaced it with a cyborg hand.

He said he had a couple surprises for me.

A moment later, he unveiled the first surprise: brand-new cyborg legs. These ones didn't rely upon the same steam generators I've been using for scores of years. These ones used electricity.

But the real surprise came shortly after. He knew I had been growing wary about my age, and he unveiled a solution to my aging problem: an anti-death machine.

This man has been cheated God.

**Six score years after the foundation of this country:**

Radigan had his son today, and Blutarch forced him into retirement. He's taking it hard.

The announcement came just a day after he had given me a little gift. It was a suit lined with this new asbestos fabric, to protect my frail BODY from the outside world, and from my own flames.

I take it now is not the time to inform Radigan of the little… bugs I've been encountering involving my cyborg legs and the anti-death machine

**Six score and one year after the foundation of this country:**

I think I'm losing my MIND to these GLITCHES

My train of thought hasn't been the same since they began to appea

I MUST CHEER RADIGAN UP

He's so sad how can someone be so sad I mean look at the poor guy he's so sad

How can I make him happy

I'LL GIVE HIM SOME OF MY HAPPY DUST

**Six SCORE and TWO years AFTER the FOUNDATION OF this country**

Radigan's replacement EDISON is a real PAIN IN T, it's a shame his son has to grow up a

I SWEAR I DIDN'T KILL RAD

IT WASNT ME IT WAS THE GLITC

**SEVEN SCORE YEARS AFTER THE FOUNDATION F THIS COUNTRY**

ITS NICE TO SEE RADIGAN'S SON JOIN THE TEA

PARTY

PARTIES ARE FUN I WANT TO HAVE A PARTY SOMEONE THROW ME A PARTY

I WANT TO HAVE A TEA PARTY ILL BRING MY PURSE

IT HAS FLOWERS

**EIGHT SCORE YEAR AFTER COUNTRY**

IT NICE TO SEE Dell Conagher JOIN

hes just like his grandfather WHO I DID NOT KILL

your in trouble now Lincoln

**NINE SCORE ONE DECADE AND TWO YEAR**

i think ive been dying

NOT LIKE DELLS GRANDPA

all these strange new faces are before me

heavy is russain now who wouldve thunk

fire makes me happy lincoln

fire and flame. happy dust. yay

i like happy dust


End file.
